New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a partner. Carried out by a team from the University of Rochester, along with the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya, the new study recruited women and men. These participants were split into three different studies that looked at their interactions with the opposite sex. In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles that made a potential date look either hard to get or easy to attract. In the second, they had to answer a list of questions that suggested how much effort they would make to pursue a potential partner. In the third, the participants were asked to interact with potential partners via Instant Messenger in a chat, so that the researchers could see how much effort they made to pursue potential dates, and whether playing hard to get would have an effect on this effort. The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , showed that people who were perceived as being hard to get were also thought to have a greater mate value.
5 Ways To Play Hard To Get That Will Actually Work
Previous studies have suggested that uncertainty adds another romantic element and increases sexual desire , but Reis says his study shows the opposite is true. The findings are based on six studies. In one, 51 young women and 50 young men from a university in Israel, who identified themselves as single and heterosexual, were told they would be participating in an online chat with another participant in a different room. The participants had their pictures taken and told it would be shown to who they were chatting with.
The actual recipient of the picture was part of the research team. The scientists then showed the participants the same picture of someone of the opposite sex.
Researchers from the University of Rochester and Centre Herzliya have examined the effects of playing hard to get, and claim that making the chase harder increases your desirability. That makes them seem less valuable and appealing than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away. In one experiment, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract.
The results found that profiles that were hard to get were more valued and seen as more desirable as a partner. Meanwhile, in another experiment, participants chatted to an insider via Instant Messenger. At the end, the participants were asked to leave one final message. The researchers then analysed these chats, examining whether playing hard to get increased their sexual desirability as well as the efforts to see them again. Again, the results showed that people who were seen as hard to get enhanced their desirability, and were more likely to be asked out again.
Overall, the research suggests that playing hard to get make you more sexually desirable, and increase your chances of a second date. We’re trying to make the best deal we can.
Free Online Dating Games For Girls
But does it actually work? In essence, the rarer an object or experience is, the more desirable it becomes. Cialdini asserts that because the warring Capulet and Montague families hamper Romeo and Juliet from courting one and other, it actually encourages them to desire each other even more.
Why It’s So Hard for Young People to Date Offline When there are bigger numbers of potential partners in play, she said, it’s much more likely.
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit?
For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention. There are many ways to do this, but people playing hard to get most often act confident, talk to others, and withhold sex, according to research published in the European Journal of Personality —all of which “may reflect Withholding information about yourself—or at least, your feelings—can be similarly alluring, according to a recent study in Psychological Science.
In the study, researchers asked women to look at the profiles of fictional men who had also supposedly looked at many women’s profiles, including theirs. Each woman was told she was looking at men who either liked her a lot, thought she was average, or whose feelings about her were unknown. While it wasn’t surprising that women were more drawn to men who found them attractive, they were most attracted to the men whose feelings were unknown.
That kind of uncertainty can command our attention for days, even weeks—but the effect is limited. Eventually, it’ll get old. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should deploy the hard-to-get strategy when you’re looking for a short-term fling. In fact, the EPJ study found that both men and women looking for casual sex actually preferred someone with high availability—an easy catch.
The Virtues and Downsides of Online Dating
Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms.
Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with Some studies have shown that dating tends to be extremely difficult for people with social Online dating tools are an alternate way to meet potential dates. What our grandmothers told us about playing hard to get is true.
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Playing hard to get might be a terrible idea if you actually like someone — here’s why
I read with interest the Dating Secrets post Do the worlds of Match and eHarmony have that same rule? Or is online dating kind of one step beyond the “3-day rule,” when both parties are looking for love? I’ve only tried online dating once, briefly, and my experience was akin to many of those I’ve spoken to who have also ventured online: It was mixed. I spent enough time browsing profiles to garner this much info though: same rules apply.
There has been some challenges dating girls or guys who play hard to get. I am particularly not a fan playing games to get even though, however, I understand.
The finding was based on a series of experiments. In one, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated they were hard or easy to get. In another, volunteers were invited to leave a message after chatting to an insider on Instant Messenger. The study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships also found those seen as hard to get were more likely to be asked out.
Overall, the research suggests it makes you more sexually desirable and increases your chances of a second date. We are trying to make the best deal we can.
Is She Not Interested Or Just Playing Hard To Get? Here’s How To Tell
Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. Everyone has different limits, expectations and definitions of love. When you play hard to get, take into account the other person.
PDF | Folk wisdom suggests playing hard to get is an effective strategy in questions) decreased participants’ desire to date a potential partner, unless effect of being hard-to-get during online and face-to-face encounters.
Brooke Lewis. So, Guys, take a few expert advice tips from a Lady who has been there:. I know, we all hate the busy word. Guys, like you, women are busier than ever. More and more women are uber focused on their careers. They are traveling for work and some are working more than one job to stay afloat. Divorce rates are higher than ever , so it is likely you are also meeting single moms who are responsible for their children first. If any of you are single dads, then you know that priorities shift when you have children.
Some of these women will be both career women and single moms, at which they will truly be challenged with time to date you. Give it time, pay attention and feel it out. The latter will make an effort to see you as soon as she can. Guys, this is one of my personal pet peeves. I am a rules girl and I choose not to accept a date the night of and, quite frankly, often not past Thursday morning for a weekend date. Now, there are always exceptions and last minute fun events or basketball tickets that come up, but we are focusing here on the beginning stages of dating , so humor me.